I’m so restless right now. I want to do something, but I don’t know what. I mean, I have so much I could be doing - like studying, but I can’t focus on it. So I’ll write a loong post…;)
I’ve had an interesting week, anyway. My mom and sister went on a road trip across the country with my mom’s best friend. I couldn’t go because of school and work. =( So I basically had the house to myself for most of the week (my dad works in a different city and stays there during the week). They left Monday and they’ll be back next Thursday. The first day after they left I cried for an hour. It makes me sound lame, but I think I have attachment issues or something. I like being by myself and I love being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. But, I felt like I was 6 years old and my parents had left me with the scary babysitter. Except there was no babysitter and I have to take care of myself. Which you’d think I could do since I am 21!
For the most part, I’ve actually done a lot better than I thought I might. I haven’t had any more major crying spells (which I tend to get if I’m in the house alone) and I’ve had fun playing my music, studying, and watching whatever TV shows I want.
The one thing that’s been a little bit of a challenge is, of course, eating. We stocked up on plenty of food and there are a couple of times where I’ll eat out when I’m at school or work. Now I have to admit, that this past month I’ve been feeling “fat”, I have no idea why. I’ve lost a tiny amount of weight and had to deal with the some ED guilt. On top of that, not being able to see what and how much my sister is eating is really hard for me. I feel like I’m eating soo much more than she will be eating. I feel like a horrible person whenever I mention how much I rely on her and compare myself to her. It makes me sound so controlling and jealous - I’m not, honestly! I just have this (irrational) fear that since she’s on the road, she won’t be eating as much and will lose weight, blah, blah, blah. But that’s no reason for ME to lose weight. I can’t control what she does, I can only control what I do - I need to believe this.
Anyyway, I actually have been eating pretty well and trying to gain back those couple of pounds. I’ve tried out some new recipes!
I decided to make pancakes the yesterday!
(ew blurry picture)
They were so good that I had to make them again today! This time I used some almond meal as a sub for the wheat germ, strawberry yogurt, and cinnamon only. Reeally good. =) Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that I had too many pictures saved in my phone, so it didn’t save the picture. =(
Then I got creative and decided to create my own “recipe” for lunch. I had a bag of mixed greens (kale, mustard greens, spinach) that needed to be used up. So I sautéed a clove of garlic and some turkey (although if you’re a vegetarian, you obviously don’t have to use it) in olive oil. Then I removed that from the pan and added the greens. I let those cook down with some water, then added the turkey and garlic back in with some spices. I was going for sort of an Indian theme, so I put in a little curry, cumin, coriander, and black pepper. I decided to make a sort of sauce with yogurt, lemon juice, and more of the spices to stir in at the last minute. Well, it was successful! The only thing I wasn’t crazy about was the yogurt itself. I only had vanilla so the taste of the sauce was a bit too sweet. I would def. use plain yogurt, if you try something like this!
Again my phone was being dumb, so here’s a representation instead:
Obviously, this is not all I ate, but these are some of the more interesting things.
Well, that was a monstrous post! I’m off to do a bit more studying and then sleeep!
I hope all of you are doing well and thank you for being so wonderful to me!
<3
Wow I've been struggling with some of the same things this week! I was the only one on spring break this week so I had the house to myself for breakfast and lunch and I ended up not eating much because I didn't feel like I "had to" because no one was around to watch me. Probably not such a good idea but I've been feeling "fat" too and I guess my ED voice has been stronger. But I'm so glad you fought the urge to compare yourself with your sister and took charge of your own health. And those pancakes look delish, by the way :)
ReplyDeleteI love that song :)
ReplyDeleteSounds very challenging and I think just here, you have done an amazing job at expressing your feelings and then rationalising them.
You should feel proud of yourself for that.
I don't know your history with your sister but I hope that you can keep fighting the good fight.
Big hugs xxxx
I'm an only child, so I could never compare my food intake to a sibling. But I did compare a lot to my mother. If she ate a little snack when I ate a meal, I would feel soooo guilty. It was a major thing for me to get over, and I still compare occasionally, but in general I don't and I feel much better because of it. I hope that with time, you will be able to get ED to understand that different people eat different amounts, and that it's ok.
ReplyDeleteOh, and those pancakes look goood!
My sister eats whatever she wants, and it's hard not to compare myself to her. I just have to remember that I am made the way I am, and what's right for my body might not be what's right for her. I think that I'm getting beyond constantly comparing myself to her, which is good. It takes a lot of work.
ReplyDeleteMmmm all of your recipes look really good! I need to start experimenting some more myself!
I hope you're doing good! Thanks for all of your lovely comments on my blog! Take care of yourself!
Your food looks yummy my dear! I've always been competitive too with my younger sister, but more so with my best friend. Even now if she's not eating, then I don't want to eat either. It's a hard thing to deal with and I don't know if I'll ever really be over it.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, thank you so much for reading my blogs. You're really sweet! Did you see that I had a post somewhere about The Princess Bride as well?!
love love
-Hannah
Aww, thank you so much for the shout-out, girl! I'm seriously like, all giddy right now :P Psyched you liked the pancakes, too. They look delicious, and I LOVE the sounds of that sauce you made to go with them, as well as the swap to use almond meal. Yummy!!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel the same as you - while I enjoy my alone time, at the same time, I just want someone to be around, even if we're hardly even doing anything but enjoying one another's company. Be it a friend, a family member, or whomever.
Adele is awesome!
ReplyDeleteIt's so true that we can only control our own actions. It's both freeing and scary at the same time. Just remember that you DO have the choice, and therefore you can choose to take care of yourself.
Keep having fun with food!