Sing to Me the Song of the Stars

I feel better today.  I'm still worried about everything, but I know that it will get better.  It always does, even though it's not always apparent right away.  I just have to keep telling myself that everything doesn't have to be perfect.  Yes, I will stress out about school because I care.  I will fight with people I love because I care - about them and (surprise!) about myself.   I cry afterward because I'm empathic and I feel what the other person is going through (in this case my mom).  I'm not trying to be self-righteous, but I think alot of people with an ED can relate.  From what I've read, many of us seem to rather shy and quiet, but extremely sensitive and "feeling" even if we don't know how to express that to those ("real" people) around us.  I think in some ways, though, sensitivity is a gift, albeit one that takes a long time to learn how to use.  I don't think I've figured it out yet, but I'm slowly learning.  I definitely take inspiration from all the wonderful people with blogs!

Speaking of which...
I'm really starting to love you guys. You're all awesome for taking the time to read and comment.  I know that's what we're all here for, but to actually see it is pretty special. So thank you!! :)

After that love fest ;)...

Right now I might have a slight obsession with persimmons.  Here's a pic of part of yesterday's lunch:

Not the best shot, but I was at work. And, yes, I did bring the whole jar of cinnamon to work with me. ;) 

And here is a persimmon-cranberry bundt cake that I had for breakfast today with some yogurt.  Yum!

(Er...My cat isn't actually licking it and we don't normally let our pets on the table...)


And lastly, Formspring me!!!  I got it a couple of months ago, then forgot about it.  Might as well resurrect it now. 
Well, I hope everyone has a wonderful day!<3

Sometimes Songs Can't Express How You Feel

I'm sort of panicking right now.  I don't know what to think.  I had a fight with my mom this morning - we're ok now, but I always feel like a horrible daughter afterward.  I hate that I'm an adult and yet I feel like a child and I'm too scared to fly away.  Not that I really could because I have too many obligations and responsiblities right now with school and work.  It's like I have adult problems and yet I have a child's life.  That doesn't make sense, but thats how I feel right now. 

Christmas is a only month away which means year-end exams and final are even closer.  I'm not ready; I feel like I'm going to fail.  I can't concentrate on studying.  I wish I could escape!

Food is ok, but I haven't been exercising and there's no skating for 4 days and of course Thanksgiving was yesterday...and I hate that I always feel that I have to eat less than my sister...

I'm so sorry for this post. It just came on so suddenly.  I don't want to be all negative, but I have to get this off my chest.  I know that God is there watching over me and He has done so much for me already, I just have to have faith.<3

I Walked With You Once Upon A Dream

Busy studying, it‘s crazy and exhausting. But, hopefully it will pay off. I have two quizzes tomorrow. =/
My skating rink is putting on a Christmas show and I’m in one of the numbers. It’s the first show I’ve been in in a while and I’m kinda excited. It’s a Disney theme and our number has the all the princesses and princes waltzing around. I get to be Snow White; she’s my favorite princess! Lol I’m such a kid!

What else has been happening around here?

• I haven't been working out very much (besides skating), which scares me, but I seem to be doing ok. 
• My sister made the BEST brownies the other day.  Alas, I do not have a picture of them, but they are Red Velvet brownies with cream cheese frosting from Southern Living Magazine.  If you come across this magazine, you MUST buy it and try this recipe.  Seriously. :)
• It's been pouring all day and I love it.
• I'm getting worried about what to get my family for Christmas.  I actually have some money this year, so I really want to make it count.
• I'm looking forward to seeing the Harry Potter movie on Thanksgiving.  It's our family tradition to be non-traditional.  We'll make our Thanksgiving dinner the day before and then on the actual day we'll either go to a new Harry Potter movie if it's out or we'll go to the zoo. (And eat turkey sandwiches in the car!)
• I used to have a huge crush on Daniel Radcliffe who plays Harry.  Now, I think I'm switching teams to Ron...
• Someday I will write some substantial, thoughtful musings on life and post them, but right now this is all I got. 
• Sorry for this long list of stream-of-consciousness randomness!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and week!
<3

Let's Get This Thing Started, It's My Kinda Party

So yesterday, a coworker was talking about how she'd been out until 3 am the night before, barhopping.  She asked if I ever go out.  I said "not really" (read: never).  She asked why not and I just said I never have the time.  Well, that's certainly true, but the real reason is hard for most people my age to understand. I don't like it!  Of course I have issues, (ed, fear of driving) that make it hard for me to be as social as I perhaps would like, but quite honestly, partying just doesn't appeal to me.  Drinking? I literally had 3 sips of a pina colada on my birthday and I haven't had a drink since.  Rowdy people checking each other out and being loud? Er, no thanks. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for having a good time and if that's what helps you unwind then go for it.  But, I just kinda wish my peers wouldn't look at me like I have two heads when I tell them I don't go out like that. 

This is definitely more my party speed:



Ok, sorry for that rant.

In other news, I've felt like I live on the tundra lately (what 60 degrees with 10 mpr winds isn't that bad? I guess I'm just spoiled hehe)

So, my two new best friends:

I love passion fruit and this chap stick actually does it justice.  And I am currently obsessed with this TJ's tea.  It's peppermint, but it also has vanilla notes that keep it from getting bitter, even if you forget to take the tea bag out after steeping (like I do). 

Present Palatable Provisions: Pomegranates, pumpkin, (sweet) potatoes, and profiteroles.  Yum!

<3

Cause it's You That I Need and Nothing Else Until the End

Yesterday was a fun day. After skating in the morning, I went with a couple of friends to an acupuncture convention/trade show where I got a bunch of free stuff.  Needles and herb packets galore! 

(Yes, I realize the green thing on the left looks like a certian herb, but I assure you that it is not!;)
We stayed for almost 2 hours and the time just flew by.

Afterwards we went to dinner at a Korean restaurant.  It was my first time having Korean food and it was delicious.  Basically, I though it tasted like spicy Japanese food.  (Fun fact: I'm half Japanese.)  We ordered a few different dishes and shared around the table - bibimbap, tofu stew, short ribs, rice, and half a dozen vegetable condiments.  Here's a representation (ps. I love weheartit)

I was actually very proud of myself.  It is extremely hard for me to eat out with other people besides my family, especially when my family is not there.  I get anxious about what to order and how much to eat when I can't mentally compare my intake to theirs (especially to my sister's).  And then, when she is going to be eating something different from me, I still get hung up on eating fewer calories then her.  I'll explain more another time, perhaps. But, I did well last night.  I probably ate less than I could have, but I tried everything and enjoyed it.  Soo, happy days! lol

And, to end - here's a random picture that has nothing to do with this post, but it made me smile. :)

<3

Guess thats Why They Call it Window Pane

I'm not always positive Polly. 
Last night I had my monthly hysterical breakdown, so today I feel completely drained of emotion.  Which isn't necessarily a bad thing; it helps me concentrate on what I need to get done.  And achieving blankness by crying is MUCH better than achieving it through starvation.  Honestly, I think its just my hormones going crazy (if you know what I mean), but it feels like the end of the world when its happening. 

On a brighter note, I'm done with midterms and I did well.  Actually I'm pretty proud of myself (and grateful to Him) - the last test was the hardest one and I only got 3 answers wrong!  Yay! It's back to the grind though, because I have only 5 more weeks left in the semester, then finals, then comprehensive exams.  =/

Food wise, stuff has been pretty tasty around here.  Hot dog mummies and chocolate coffin cake for Halloween.  I know not the healthiest, but delicious! I did have my share of "good" food.  Roasted eggplant, kale chips (twice!), pumpkin oatmeal (finally blog-world food, lol), red-eye gravy, flaky buttermilk biscuits, and collard greens.  Yum!

One last thing, this made me cry.  I think they are both amazing women:
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2010/11/portia_shares_her_personal_struggles_1104.php?icid=ellen|ws%A0&ncid=webmail

<3