Monday, December 19, 2011

OMG We're Back Again!!

(Sorry for the cheesy title!;)
So...It's been almost exactly 2 months since I last posted. Seriously?? Where does time go?
I have so much to say because so much has happened and changed in that time period. I really don't know where to begin.

On the eating front - well, I feel almost "normal". It's strange, as if one day I just decided that I was sick of obsessing over food. I mean I love/hate food still, but I've been eating more than I ever have and loving it! And I haven't really even gained any weight. In fact, because I've been exercising, I actually have some arm muscles and I'm even beginning to love my body. Of course there are still days when I think, "Ugh, I'm f*t", but I really try to just push those thoughts aside and get on with it. It might sound woo-woo or corny, but my mantra is "I can eat whatever I want and not worry about it." And I honestly believe its working. I eat a ton of "healthy" food still, but I also eat Red Velvet Cream Cheese Brownies, which in my opinion are healthy too(but then I'm never one to turn away dessert, anyway!:)

As far as life goes, my family suffered the loss of a dear friend, who was like an aunt to me. She was my mom's best friend for 31 years, her matron-of-honor, and the equivalent of god mother to me and my sister. She passed away completely unexpectedly in October - she was only 64. It's been incredibly hard for my mom who used to call/text her almost every day. I believe in Heaven, and I know she is watching over us, another angel to care for us, but it makes me incredibly aware of how fragile we humans are and how every single second is a gift. And while, this shouldn't be about me, I do think it's helped me in my recovery to see the bigger picture - how precious life itself is and how we can't worry about little things like weight and size because there is so much more that we need to enjoy while we are here in this world.

In happier news, I'm flying out to day to visit my sister who is touring with an ice skating show!!! I'm so, so excited because I haven't seen her since July. This is the longest time I've been separated from her since she was born! lol. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little worried about how my eating philosophy is going to hold up during the trip, but I'm going to try hard to stay on top of things. Backsliding is not an option!!

Oh and I'm on break from school, which is why I can write this post. It was a ROUGH semester, but I got through it and I'm glad to be able to relax now! I apologize for not reading/commenting on all of your blogs more often, but hopefully that will happen a bit more now at least after this week when I get back from my trip. I'm not sure when I'll be able to post again, but just know that I still think of you all often and I honestly love and appreciate each one of your beautiful souls!


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Keep Going!

So here I am in case anyone was wondering. I'm sure you were all just waiting for my next amazing post! (not!) But, seriously, I really haven't been around the blog world lately. I'm sorry I haven't really commented or even read all that much. It's just that things have been so busy and I've been feeling rather uninspired lately anyway. Do you want to see my schedule? Of course you do! lol

Mon - school from 1:30-9
Tues - work either 10-2 or 2-6
Wed - school from 9:30-12:30, teach skating from 5:30-6:40
Thurs - school from 9-9(!!)
Fri - work from 10-2, school from 6-9
Sat - teach skating 9:20-10:40, work from 11-3
Sun - work from 7-11

In addition to studying for my normal classes, I'm studying for the comprehensive exams in December. And I'm taking driving lessons. It's kinda redic! But, I'll get through it, hopefully!! ;)

I've been doing ok on the eating and gaining front. Peanut butter helps, hehe.  I've actually been doing more weight training which is a good motivator to eat more and gain muscles. At least, I've found that if I tell myself I need to fuel my muscles I eat want to eat more and feel better overall.

My emotions have been absolutely crazy the past few weeks, though. I don't know whether its my hormones kicking in or adjusting to my school schedule or what, but I seriously cry every other day at the drop of a hat. It's not horrible or anything, but I'm wondering if I should get that figured out...

Anyway, I'm not trying to bog you guys down with complaints or negativity. My life is actually pretty amazing. Sure, it's overwhelming at times, but I'm so grateful for the chance to grow and learn and LIVE! Everyone has their cross to bear, and reading your blogs inspires me to keep going and truly enjoy what's around me. I want to sincerely thank you all for that!

I'm not sure if I'll be back for WIAW, but just know that I'm thinking of all of you!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Least That I Can Do is Care

Today is a day of reflection and emotion for most Americans and, in fact, much of the world. What happened on 9/11/2001...well, it makes me cry.

I don't want to put aside the true meaning and horror of this day because, honestly, my little problems are nothing compared to the suffering and sadness that those directly affected by the attacks have to live with every day. I certainly don't think my own cares should eclipse those of others. But, I do believe that this is a good opportunity for all of us to take stock of the last 10 years.

Ten years ago I was 12, still home schooled, and living in Boston. I remember being up in the loft of our apartment doing my math while my mom was downstairs watching the Today Show like every other morning. After the first plane hit my mom called her best friend and I went downstairs to stare at the TV. I don't think I quite understood the magnitude of it at first; it just seemed so surreal. But, I think it was the beginning of my realization of how complicated and scary and evil and wonderful and compassionate the world is.  I was still a child in so many respects - innocent and just coming to grips with the reality of the world. I think that my generation, which was old enough to understand what happened, but still too young to understand the whole picture, was especially effected by the events of those days.

Ten years ago I was oblivious to the ED lurking in my near future.  I won't go as far as to say that 9/11 has any direct correlation to my anorexia, but in a sense it did. I was trying to figure myself out and how I fit in the world. And, subconsciously, there was the realization that I can't control much of anything.

Ten years ago was also the day I started skating. I remember my mom called the rink to see if they were still having the class and they were. Little did I know how much that would change my life and provide me with some of the greatest joy and deepest frustration I would ever experience. Skating, too, influenced my ED, causing me to question my body, my abilities. But it also helped me pull through the worst of it; I needed a healthy body to skate.

So much else happened in the days following. My dad got called to NYC to help temporarily convert a hotel into offices for those displaced from the tower. Living so close to the New York and Washington, I heard countless stories of people who knew people. Miracles and tragedies surrounded me. I cried, not really knowing why. I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way, but I've never been an intensely patriotic person. I mean I love my country, but I love the world more.

So today is a bittersweet day for me as it is every year. I think of all the people who lost their lives or where affected by the attack and I think of my own small tragedies and struggles with ED. It puts things in perspective and yet it makes the miracles of life seem so much sweeter. I'm such an emotional person that I wish I could give everyone love and comfort and hope and peace. But of course, I am only me. But I can care and I can pray and I can start to heal myself.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

WIAOMB (What I Ate On My Birthday)

Thanks so much for the birthday love! It was a fun day. Nothing too big - my mom and I just went to the zoo for a bit and had then ate cake!

Birthday zoo outfit. Excuse the bathroom pic.
I got this little guy from my sister:

I love wooly mammoths - if they ever end up cloning them I want one!!
And a dress from my mom which I'll have to post a picture of soon.

So since this is WIAW I though I'd show you what I ate yesterday for my birthday.



Almond Joy Oats - oats made w/ coconut milk and water, almond extract, unsweetened coconut, flaxseed, topped with chocolate yogurt. You can see a half eaten banana in the background too, hehe.

Huge salad w/ cucumber, radishes, blue cheese, tomatoes, olives, eggplant spread, and olive oil/vinegar dressing. Unpictured hummus and pretzels were also consumed.
Meatloaf sandwich on flatbread, kale/mushroom chips and fruit salad w/ whipped cream.
And of course:

It was (well, still is - we still have some left) a Burnt Sugar Bundt Cake with Caramel Rum Frosting. From my new favorite treat baking book, Baked by Matt Lewis and Renato Poliafito  The key ingredient in both the cake and the frosting is the Burnt Sugar Liquid which you make by caramelizing the sugar and adding cream, coconut milk, and lemon juice.
The cake itself is really moist and dense and I love the crunchyish crust with the soft interior. Funny story about the frosting though. The directions say to just put all the ingredients (Burnt Sugar Liquid, powdered sugar, butter, rum) in the food processor and then blend. But ours turned out really runny and looked nothing like the picture even after we added extra powdered sugar to try and firm it up. It also started to separate and look almost curdled - maybe because of the rum or lemon juice? We also had to use light coconut milk because that's all we could find, so maybe that had something to do with it too. It still tastes amazing though, but doesn't look very pretty!

I hope your all making it through the week okay. I have exactly one week til school starts again so I'm enjoying every last second. Hugs!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Hi guys!

I thought I'd be back sooner, but we all know how that goes! Anyway...
Today is my birthday!!! 22 what's up??

Not sure exactly what I'm doing today, but probably skating this morning and then going to the zoo tonight with my momma. The zoo is our go-to place for birthdays in our family and I've always loved it!

Overall things have been going well. I've certainly had some challenges, but I'm really trying to have a positive attitude. Letting go of guilt (real and imagined) is one of the hardest things for me to do and I've been struggling with that lately. I think most people with an ED can attest that guilt is a very powerful force, whether it's about eating, asking for help, or something else in life, really. I want to write a post on the subject, but I think I'll save it for another day. Today is about being HAPPY!

I hope all of you are doing well and taking good care of yourselves. :) And I wish all of you east-coasters a speedy recovery from Irene. I've been through a hurricane/tropical storm before and its not that fun.

Ohhh... I'll get pictures of my cake up soon!

Love you all!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Wandering Out Into This Great Unknown

Hi everyone! Don't all fall over because I'm posting on a Monday! hehe

Thanks so much for all of your kind and encouraging comments on my last post. I think recovery needs to have goals and these goals need to constantly be reevaluated and broadened as we progress. Of course, sometimes we need to step back or go back to the drawing board if something isn't working. And sometimes we just need to be gentle with ourselves and know that we are trying our hardest with what mental and emotional energy we have available.

Case in point: I was slightly disappointed this week because I didn't gain any more weight even though I felt like I ate more than usual. I probably could have done more, but I want to take it slow and I def. slipped up a few times. In some ways, though, this whole experience is good for me because it just proves how adaptive our bodies and metabolisms are. Eating more doesn't automatically mean weight gain, it means a faster metabolism and a healthier body.

Another example:

1/2 cup oats, 1 heaping TB of cocoa, a little honey, and probably a bit too much oat milk...oops! I topped it with a bit of unsweetened chocolate and some peanut butter.
 Lol, just kidding. I guess this wasn't TOO much of a disaster.

Somethings I am excited about are these:

I took an online survey for a local natural foods store and got a $2 off coupon!! Go me! hehe So my mom went to the store while I was working and surprised me with nutritional yeast and Bragg's! Yay! She doesn't know about the whole blog world, but she does know that I've been talking about that stuff for a while now. (I just realized how weird this would sound to a non-blogger - being excited about yellow powdery stuff and a salty spray!)

Now all I have to do is figure out what to use them in. I put a little of the Bragg's on my vegetables for dinner and it was good. Tastes pretty much like soy sauce. The nutritional yeast I'll have to ration out carefully because I don't want to waste it. I really want to make a "cheese sauce" so we'll see how that goes. Anyone have any ideas or fave uses for me to try??

I hope you all had great starts to your weeks and I'll hopefully post on Wednesday!

Friday, August 19, 2011

If You Just Realize


I’ve had sort of a mini epiphany or realization of sorts this week. Well, actually it’s been coming on for a while, but I think I’m finally ready to take action. You see, I consider myself “recovered” whatever that means. I’m not underweight, although I’m still quite thin, I don’t really have any fear foods, and, although body image is still a challenge for me, I don’t obsess over my supposed “flaws”. But, if I’m being truly honest with myself, I still have a lot of work to do - I’m merely surviving in my own little recovery world, rather than thriving. I want to be free - free from comparisons, free from guilt, free from rules, free from the nagging albeit quite voice in the back of my head. Is that possible? I don’t really know. I’d like to think that someday I can forgive and forget my ED, so to speak. At the same time I feel it’s like death or divorce - something that doesn’t necessarily come up all the time, but that changes you so completely, that you can’t ever really forget or go back to the way things were. Maybe that’s a bad analogy, but that‘s what I can think of at the moment.

But, I want to try. I need to try for my health and sanity and happiness. So I want to do a few things.
  • Gain X amount of pounds. This isn’t because I’m dangerously underweight or even underweight at all. Physically, though, I think I’ll look better and feel better if I’m at a slightly higher weight. Plus, my periods are really irregular and while I think this is just how I am, I want to rule out low weight as a cause. (Sorry if that’s TMI!)
  • Work-out in a healthy way. Yes, yes, I know this is burning calories and all that. But that’s OK. Let’s face it - most of us work-out to burn calories, not just to get “stronger” or “healthier“. Honestly, I think that’s fine, as long as we’re not undermining ourselves by restricting or hiding it. I want to work-out in a controlled, open, and honest way. None of the disordered, random work-outs because I’m feeling “fat” or like I ate too much.
  • Stop worrying so much about others. Ok, so maybe that sounds wrong or selfish. However, I spend way too much of my time fretting over the safety and well-being of other people, as silly as that sounds. Mostly, though, other people’s lives are out of my control and they’re going to do what they’re going to do. Of course, I can and will help in whatever way possible, but just plain worrying isn’t going to accomplish anything. I’m most guilty of this with my sister. Now that she’s across the country, I can’t control what happens to her. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care and that doesn’t mean I don’t love her. People need their space and when they do need help I need to actually have the energy to provide that.
  • Breath!! I’m guilty of rushing around, not thinking, not paying attention to the little things because I’m so worried about what’s next. Cliché, maybe. It’s true, I end up making mistakes or being embarrassed or panicking because I “don’t have enough time”. Well, I want to relax now. I don’t want to become lazy or lackadaisical, I just need to stop every so often and breath.
Wow! That was a lot. If you read it thank you!!! I’ve been trying this list out the past week and a half and I think I’m doing pretty well. I’ve actually gained a pound since last week and it’s the first time that I’ve voluntarily gained weight, so I think that’s good! Do you guys have anything to add?

I still want to show you a couple food pictures!

 Dan posted this Chickpea Bake recipe a little bit ago and I tried it out:

Topped with blueberries and honey. Son't you love that ramiken?
I made a few subs/additions to suit my tastes and it was delicious!

Breakfast a few days ago was another 2 Minute Microwave Crisp this time with banana and blueberry. 

Topped with Greek yogurt (on sale at Target, woo-hoo!) and cinnamon.

Also I was quite proud of this little lunch arrangement:

One slice of toast was topped with hummus/sour cream mix, cucumbers, radishes, salt, and pepper. The other was Nutella, raspberries, and TJ's Coffee, Cocoa, Sugar Grind (LOVE, btw!). All surrounding cantaloupe!
Yes! I think it’s blogger approved picture! Lol

Thanks you guys for all the comments and support. Love ya!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Work, Coffee, and Scones

I don't want to become one of those people who just does WIAW (although there's nothing wrong with that!), but it certainly feels that all my posts have been food-centric lately. Hey its not my fault I've been having some good eats!

But I do need to vent about something for a sec. So hold the fun for a minute while I complain about my job (well, one of my jobs). I work as a receptionist at a gym and, honestly, it is a pretty easy job. I basically just have to check people in and clean. boss is not so nice. I won't go into too much detail, but it's been really difficult lately. I feel like he's looking for an excuse to fire me, although we're so short-staffed that I think I'll be safe for now. In addition, I always end up looking stupid in front of him or making some some sort of silly mistake. I guess he just makes me nervous and I know I'm a smart girl, but it really makes me doubt my ability to function in the "real world" and it definitely doesn't help my self-confidence. How on earth am I supposed to hold down a "real" job if I can't even do this one? I really don't know what to do.

Moving on...

Aside from the whole work thing, I've been having a very nice summer so far. Basically just relaxing, reading, skating, baking, but it's nice to not have to worry about school for a while! The weather has been great and I'm really hoping I can go to the zoo or something fun and outdoorsy soon.

Enough rambling let's get to foood!!

This won't be a complete WIAW because I didn't really photograph every meal.

I had an amazing breakfast though:

Overnight oats made with coffee yogurt, leftover cold coffee, and a splash of milk, topped with a sprinkling of cocoa powder. SO good!
  See that cookbook? My mom bought it on clearance at Borders (so sad they're closing!) and it has some great sounding stuff in it. Hardly "healthy", but who cares, right? The pictures are really good too.

We made the Carrot Coconut Scones:

Trying to get fancy with the photography - um no lol.

They turned out huge and delicious, but they don't have a very pronounce carrot flavor. I really liked the texture and the coconut. We ate them with some peach sauce as part of lunch!

Dinner was stuffed eggplant:

I LOVE cilantro - I eat it like lettuce sometimes!
I always feel slightly guilty posting pictures of meat on here because I know a lot of bloggers are vegetarians. But it is what I eat and I try not to make it too "graphic" anyway.

Of course all this was supplemented by many other edibles including cucumbers, hummus, and frozen bananas smeared with pb (amazing!).

Hope you all had a good Wednesday! Muah!

Friday, August 5, 2011


Well it’s my first day of summer vacation! Yay!!! I’m def. ready for a break. But my day was still realllly busy!!
Here’s how it went down:
5:45 - wake up, get dressed, help my mom get some last minute stuff together so we can take our baked goods to the competition that my rink is hosting (hospitality for the volunteers). Grab a half a banana that’s in the fridge.

My kitchen looks like a bakery!
6:45 - drop of the food and steal a piece of an apricot bar (shh). Ask if there is anything I need to help with.
7:00 - Spend 15 minutes running around handing out walkie-talkies. Then get told I can go home…fine by me - it’s CRAZY at the rink!
7:15 - Eat some cantaloupe and drink COFFEE!! Help my mom clean up around the kitchen and prepare for the next batch of stuff she needs to make.
7:45 - Hope on the computer for bit
8:00 - Work out time!
9:00 - Decide that my room is way to messy and that I really need to put my clothes away…
9:15 - Start sorting my clothes and attempting to reorganize my closet
9:18 - Get annoyed that I can only access half of my closet because my bed blocks one of the doors.
9:20 - Decide that I need to somehow rearrange my bed and desk.
9:25 - Spend half an hour piling junk into the middle of my floor in an attempt to make room for complete reorganization of my room
9:45 - Mission rearrange furniture begins!
10:15 - recruit mom to help move bed, continue to create a huge mess that somehow will make my room clean
10:50 - mom leaves to deliver baked goods, I am trapped in the chaos
11:00 - Decide that I am STARVING!! Well, obvs. Because of my rather poor excuse for a breakfast (which was not ED fueled, btw, more on that later)

Pb, banana, honey, cinnamon on a tortilla - why haven't I done this sooner?!
12:00 - get back to it until around.
1:00 - start one of many loads of laundry
3:00 - Finally have a clean room. Yay!

4:00 - clean up the kitchen
4:30 - dad gets home early and we start dinner (my mom and I anyway, my dad can’t cook at all!)
5:00 - eat dinner

Ok, I’ll end there because that was ridiculously long and probably annoying. Lol
So, as you probably could tell, I didn’t have a very good breakfast. This is extremely unusual for me. Partly, I was too busy before we left the house this morning and partly I just wasn’t hungry. And I also wanted to prove to myself that just because a meal was different didn’t mean that I would suddenly turn into a restricting or binging machine. In other words, I wanted to demolish a trigger. And, actually, I think it worked pretty well - I didn’t die, although I could feel the effects by lunchtime and was able to eat enough to fuel my appetite. I made up for it by having a good lunch and dinner and, of course, dessert.

I don't drink, but just a dash of chocolate liquor on Slow-Churned Coffee ice cream, mmm.
 Tomorrow I have a long day of work and volunteering, but I’m looking forward to it!
I hope you all have a great weekend!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Hi everyone!
Tomorrow I have two finals, so naturally I’m going to use my time to do a WIAW and random post. ;) I’ve tried to comment on your blogs, but I think I might have missed a few posts. So sorry!! L
Things have actually been a lot better this week. My sister left last week and at first I had a great deal of anxiety because obviously I didn’t know what/when/if she ate. But, I’m getting over it now and I think its good for me to be “on my own” and be able to just worry about myself. I’ve been exercising more, but I’ve also been fueling myself more and I’m determined to get stronger both physically and mentally.
So now on to What I Ate!

This was amazing:

2 Minute Microwave Peach Raspberry Crisp
I got the basic recipe here, but we had some raspberries that need to be eaten and I used cashew butter instead of p-b. Oh my, I’m already coming up with new variations that I want to try!

Lunch was a cheese sandwich with mustard, mayo, and zucchini pickles. Plus grapes!

Taco night:

Left over roast with all the fixings. This was def. a protein meal! Which is good because I've been trying to increase my protein intake. Gotta have muscles!

And of course dessert (I count that as a meal;)

Peanut butter bread with raspberry sauce. My mom made it for a function, but we couldn’t resist trying a little. Yum!
Hope you guys had a great Wednesday!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Don't Cry for Me Argentina!

Hello my dears! So this is my first "official" WIAW. I'm pretty much following the rules, which is amazing for me haha! I'm not showing everything I ate today, but this are my major meals and some fun things!


Overnight oats in a HUGE pb jar. I used a normal amount of everything and it barely filled 1/4 of the container, lol! My mom bought this giant carton of buttermilk because that was all she could find at the store, so I used some in my oats. I used part buttermilk, part milk because I was afraid the buttermilk would be overpowering. I could barely taste it though, so next time I think I'll add more.


Grapes, roasted vegetable salad, TJ's Sweet Potato Corn Chips (yes, they're as good as the sound), and a sour cream-olive hummus mixture that I used as dressing/dip. I ate lunch at work, thus the many containers.

Argentenian Lentil soup from this recipe . We didn't have any BBQ sauce so we just used ketchup, mustard, a little vinager, and BBQ seasoning. It tasted great. I also had some random scones that I found in the freezer. :)

Of course no day would be complete without cookies! Especially my mom's cornflake cookies. So good! (I had another one, besides the 2 pictured here)

So that's my WIAW.
Lots of love to all!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Do You Remember Me?

I'm still here!! I think...;)
I've been ridiculously busy and stressed, but things are looking up. I had two finals this week, plus I finished a paper. I have a take home final to complete and two more finals in two weeks and then I have summer break. Hallelujah!!

I've also been working between 12 and 20 hours a week, plus helping my sister get ready to leave (she flies put tomorrow :( ). So needless to say I've barely had time to clean my room let alone blog or read. But I literally think about all of you every day. And I'm constatnly thinking "Oh I should tell them about such and such!" and then I forget what I was going to write about...

To be honest, I've struggled with eating and a drop in weight recently. It's just so easy when I'm stressed and busy to cut back especially at school and work. I'm surprisingly not dissatisfied with my body or anything right now. But I guess it's just force of habit, plus anxiety about what could happen if I "let myself go". Ugh how many times have I been through this??

Anyway, I don't want it to seem like my life is all negative right now because its not. Not by a long shot! I've  laughed with friends from school, taught adorable little kiddos to skate, baked with my sister, and even bought some new clothes. And today my family and I are going to see Harry Potter! I'm so excited! I totally had a crush on "Harry" when the movies first came out (I was 12 - gosh how time flies!).

I hope you all are doing well and having a great summer. Not sure when I'll post next, probably in a couple of weeks.  Hopefully I'll have some pictures next time!

Love to all.

Monday, June 27, 2011

I'm Almost There (?)

Hey guys!
Warning! The first part of this post is basically me whining about my life, so feel free to skip it and go on to the (hopefully) more fun part.

Right, so I've had a stressful two weeks since I last blogged (thank you to all who commented on my vlog, btw!). I had midterms, but I just couldn't get into the groove of studying and really wanting to do well. I don't know; I have A's in all my classes, but it don't feel like I'm doing enough and then I get angry with myself for not trying hard enough and wasting time (Facebook! Blogs! Skating!)

I guess I was just over-all having a bad image week because then I started wondering what was wrong with me that: I don't drive, I don't have a boyfriend or even any real male attention, I feel like I eat too much and don't exercise enough, and my stomach felt huge. :( The thing is I none of this usually bothers me too much (except for not driving) and honestly I like who I am.

I think part of what set me down this negative road was a sense of non-completion. I have quite a few friends my age who are graduating from college this year. To me it seems like their lives are beginning and they are "free" and have accomplished something. I was homeschooled, went to Jr. college, and then started this acupuncture/Masters program right away. So I still have about 2 more years until I graduate and then I have to take National and State boards. So, I feel like I've never really completed anything, like this is just one long story instead of a chapter book. It feels so far until the end.

My self-pity was compounded by the fact that my sister was hired by a skating show and she leaves at the end of July. Don't get me wrong, I am SOOO happy for her!! It will be an amazing opportunity and I know she'll have so much fun. But, my sister is my best friend - we've been basically attached at the hip for 19 years and we've never spent more than 10 days apart. It will be a major adjustment for me to be here by myself with just my mom and dad (whom I love, btw, but still...).

Basically all this craziness cumulated in me having a major breakdown on Thursday. My poor mother! I basically sobbed to her for hour about how "abnormal" and hopeless I am. After that, though, I felt a bit better and I'm slowly trying to get out of the funk. Reading all your blogs has seriously helped inspire me. Your struggles and triumphs really help me see that life is not bad at all - in fact, it is pretty amazing!

Now moving on... :)

I wanted to do a sort of WIAW (M?), but decided to do it a bit differently. So here's what I ate for breakfast last week:

Gotta have vitamins!

Yes that's white bread - no I didn't grow an extra head after I ate it! ;)
Two types of cereal are better than one.
Overnight oats (w/ added toppings after the pic)!
This was a quick breakfast - I was STARVING a few hours later. Note: granola bars are not very filling. :p

Ok, so I didn't have this for breakfast, but how could I not take a picture of peach pie!

Here's to a better week for everyone. I know I'm going to try to keep it positive!

Thanks for reading guys! Much love!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

What Use Is It To Sing Helplessness Blues

Life can be rough and messy. But there are so many simple, wonderful things to be thankful for.

Being able to study outside on a beautiful day.

Overnight oats in a clearance cashew butter jar.

Homeade lasagna.

A current song obsession.

A mother who makes you adorable reflex hammer cases.

And taking pictures of yourself even when you're a hot mess with no make-up.
Love, love

Monday, May 23, 2011

Time Isn't Kind or Unkind

Well I haven't fallen of the face of the earth, yet. It's been a crazy few weeks.
I miss posting, I miss commenting and reading everyday. I miss you guys. Even though I've never been an very frequent blogger, I feel that I've become even more sporadic than ever. I haven't commented on many of your blogs - not because I don't care; sometimes I just can't find the energy to make a coherent, supportive remark. I trust that you guys understand.

I've had a roller coaster couple of weeks since school started. My thoughts and emotions have been all over the place. Some days I feel so hopeless about school and life and I just want to run away, and other days I'm absolutely in love with my life and so confident in my ability to thrive. I know it's just stress from school and work, but it drives me crazy. I would say that I'm struggling right now, but I hate to sound dramatic because my life isn't really that bad. I'm just confused and a little lost right now, I guess. My eating hasn't been 100% as good as it could be. It's hard because no one in real life realizes how much of a struggle food can still be for me. I look fine, I eat, so I must BE fine. For the most part, I AM fine, but sometimes it's still a challenge.

Anyway, I shouldn't be so doom and gloom - I survived the end of the world after all! ;) I've been tagged by a couple of lovelies and I'll do those soon. I have quizzes in every class this week, so I should be studying...

Love to you all!

Monday, May 9, 2011

All I Want Is Loving You and Music, Music, Music

So I know I said I would put a vlog up and I'm still working on that. I just need to make sure that my hair is perfect first...just kidding, lol. No really, I need to make sure I have enough time to upload it and I sorta need a topic, too. So if any of you have any questions or ideas feel free to inspire me! Otherwise I'll probably just ramble pointlessly about my day or something. :)

So since I'm not vlogging yet, I thought I would embarrass myself anyway by talking about my music choices! I love music of all sorts and I'm open to new things (just not rap!), but honestly my taste isn't particularly sophisticated or cool or progressive. I'll admit that I like Top 40 and country and showtunes. I like alternative and indie stuff too though!

Here are a few songs that I'm currently loving (note that this is not a representative playlist because I love just about everything - these are just the first songs that came to mind):

Embarrassingly Corny, but Inspiring Song - because I'm really a 12 year old at heart:

Summertime Song - reminds me of the beach:

"Cool Song" - Great for studying; I love this group:

Fave Song to Workout to/Top 40 - even though they're not so good during live performances...

Country Song - I know alot of people don't like country, I love it! Maybe because I'm a hopeless romantic...I could list a million country songs, but this one is fun:

Song that Makes Me Cry - On a similar country note:

Prettiest Voice - I recently started listening to this girl and she is seriously amazing:

I Just Like It:

And there you go - some songs that I like. Random, maybe, but that's ok!
I love you guys so much and I hope that you all have a great week!
What songs do you love right now?
Do you have any suggestions to help me "expand my horizons"?
How about suggestions/questions for my vlog?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Just a Quick One

Hello All!

I tried to post a vlog yesterday, but it wouldn't load. :( I was so excited about it, too! Oh well, I'll try again this weekend. Does anyone know of a quick and easy way to post a vlog?

So this will be super quick because I just got to school and class starts in a half hour. But I wanted to say hi and let you guys know I'm still here. The last few days of spring break were busier than I expected and then I had work on Monday, school on Tuesday from 9-9, and work again yesterday. Today I have classes from 9-9 again -crazy I know! Usually I get super stressed out the first week of school, but I'm doing pretty well so far. Love seeing my friends!

Eats!! (From WEEKS ago, lol!)

 Homeade falafel - sort of a fail - they fell apart, still tasty though!

Soup and a sourdough-rye roll

Apple cake w/ cream cheese frosting and strudel topping

Ok, so like I said I really want to post a vlog this weekend. Hopefully I can get that up!

Love to all!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Hopping Down the Bunny Trail

Mkay, so I think this post will be mainly pictures - yay! Gotta update you lovlies on my life and eating.

Oh real quick - I feel like I haven't commented on alot of blogs lately. :( That's completely unintentional. I always read through your posts once and then go back and comment when I have the time, but lately I've been forgetting and then I log on and I have a whole bunch of blogs backed up and then I'm like AAHH! And then I end up not commenting at all. So sorry!! I still love you guys!

Anyway, my Easter was nice and quiet. I got alot of "fun" reading time in and some yard work.

Me trying to fly my little kite that the Easter Bunny brought It wasn't quite windy enough!

Easter eggs!!
Carrot cream cheese muffins for Easter breakfast.
Is it the Easter Bunny?!

So remember how I wrote about how we were redoing are side yard. Well here it is:
I LOVE the umbrella and netting over the patio - it makes me feel like I'm in a fairy house or something. The whole thing is a definite improvement over the dead grass that was there before!

And finally my mom's birthday cake (sorry this post is all over the place!)

My mom doesn't like cake, so this isn't an actual cake per say. Instead it's layers of meringue, chocolate  buttercream, penuche, and a chocolate/rice cereal mixture. It was basically all the cake fillings/icings that my mom likes without the cake. It was sooo sweet and rich, that we could only eat a little bit at a time (and we all have big sweet tooths (sweet teeth?) around here). But it was pretty amazing if I do say so!

Well, I'm going to try to post one more time before school starts again next week (already!). Then it's back to once a week. I was going to leave you with a picture of my halfway successful falafel attempt, but really, what can beat this?