WIAOMB (What I Ate On My Birthday)

Thanks so much for the birthday love! It was a fun day. Nothing too big - my mom and I just went to the zoo for a bit and had then ate cake!

Birthday zoo outfit. Excuse the bathroom pic.

I got this little guy from my sister:


I love wooly mammoths - if they ever end up cloning them I want one!!

And a dress from my mom which I'll have to post a picture of soon.

So since this is WIAW I though I'd show you what I ate yesterday for my birthday.

WIAW


Breakfast:


Almond Joy Oats - oats made w/ coconut milk and water, almond extract, unsweetened coconut, flaxseed, topped with chocolate yogurt. You can see a half eaten banana in the background too, hehe.

 Lunch:


Huge salad w/ cucumber, radishes, blue cheese, tomatoes, olives, eggplant spread, and olive oil/vinegar dressing. Unpictured hummus and pretzels were also consumed.

Dinner:

Meatloaf sandwich on flatbread, kale/mushroom chips and fruit salad w/ whipped cream.

And of course:

Cake!!!

It was (well, still is - we still have some left) a Burnt Sugar Bundt Cake with Caramel Rum Frosting. From my new favorite treat baking book, Baked by Matt Lewis and Renato Poliafito  The key ingredient in both the cake and the frosting is the Burnt Sugar Liquid which you make by caramelizing the sugar and adding cream, coconut milk, and lemon juice.
The cake itself is really moist and dense and I love the crunchyish crust with the soft interior. Funny story about the frosting though. The directions say to just put all the ingredients (Burnt Sugar Liquid, powdered sugar, butter, rum) in the food processor and then blend. But ours turned out really runny and looked nothing like the picture even after we added extra powdered sugar to try and firm it up. It also started to separate and look almost curdled - maybe because of the rum or lemon juice? We also had to use light coconut milk because that's all we could find, so maybe that had something to do with it too. It still tastes amazing though, but doesn't look very pretty!



I hope your all making it through the week okay. I have exactly one week til school starts again so I'm enjoying every last second. Hugs!!

<3

Hi guys!

I thought I'd be back sooner, but we all know how that goes! Anyway...
Today is my birthday!!! 22 what's up??

Not sure exactly what I'm doing today, but probably skating this morning and then going to the zoo tonight with my momma. The zoo is our go-to place for birthdays in our family and I've always loved it!

Overall things have been going well. I've certainly had some challenges, but I'm really trying to have a positive attitude. Letting go of guilt (real and imagined) is one of the hardest things for me to do and I've been struggling with that lately. I think most people with an ED can attest that guilt is a very powerful force, whether it's about eating, asking for help, or something else in life, really. I want to write a post on the subject, but I think I'll save it for another day. Today is about being HAPPY!

I hope all of you are doing well and taking good care of yourselves. :) And I wish all of you east-coasters a speedy recovery from Irene. I've been through a hurricane/tropical storm before and its not that fun.

Ohhh... I'll get pictures of my cake up soon!

Love you all!
<3

Wandering Out Into This Great Unknown

Hi everyone! Don't all fall over because I'm posting on a Monday! hehe

Thanks so much for all of your kind and encouraging comments on my last post. I think recovery needs to have goals and these goals need to constantly be reevaluated and broadened as we progress. Of course, sometimes we need to step back or go back to the drawing board if something isn't working. And sometimes we just need to be gentle with ourselves and know that we are trying our hardest with what mental and emotional energy we have available.

Case in point: I was slightly disappointed this week because I didn't gain any more weight even though I felt like I ate more than usual. I probably could have done more, but I want to take it slow and I def. slipped up a few times. In some ways, though, this whole experience is good for me because it just proves how adaptive our bodies and metabolisms are. Eating more doesn't automatically mean weight gain, it means a faster metabolism and a healthier body.

Another example:



1/2 cup oats, 1 heaping TB of cocoa, a little honey, and probably a bit too much oat milk...oops! I topped it with a bit of unsweetened chocolate and some peanut butter.

 Lol, just kidding. I guess this wasn't TOO much of a disaster.


Somethings I am excited about are these:

I took an online survey for a local natural foods store and got a $2 off coupon!! Go me! hehe So my mom went to the store while I was working and surprised me with nutritional yeast and Bragg's! Yay! She doesn't know about the whole blog world, but she does know that I've been talking about that stuff for a while now. (I just realized how weird this would sound to a non-blogger - being excited about yellow powdery stuff and a salty spray!)

Now all I have to do is figure out what to use them in. I put a little of the Bragg's on my vegetables for dinner and it was good. Tastes pretty much like soy sauce. The nutritional yeast I'll have to ration out carefully because I don't want to waste it. I really want to make a "cheese sauce" so we'll see how that goes. Anyone have any ideas or fave uses for me to try??

I hope you all had great starts to your weeks and I'll hopefully post on Wednesday!
<3

If You Just Realize

Hello!

I’ve had sort of a mini epiphany or realization of sorts this week. Well, actually it’s been coming on for a while, but I think I’m finally ready to take action. You see, I consider myself “recovered” whatever that means. I’m not underweight, although I’m still quite thin, I don’t really have any fear foods, and, although body image is still a challenge for me, I don’t obsess over my supposed “flaws”. But, if I’m being truly honest with myself, I still have a lot of work to do - I’m merely surviving in my own little recovery world, rather than thriving. I want to be free - free from comparisons, free from guilt, free from rules, free from the nagging albeit quite voice in the back of my head. Is that possible? I don’t really know. I’d like to think that someday I can forgive and forget my ED, so to speak. At the same time I feel it’s like death or divorce - something that doesn’t necessarily come up all the time, but that changes you so completely, that you can’t ever really forget or go back to the way things were. Maybe that’s a bad analogy, but that‘s what I can think of at the moment.

But, I want to try. I need to try for my health and sanity and happiness. So I want to do a few things.

• Gain X amount of pounds. This isn’t because I’m dangerously underweight or even underweight at all. Physically, though, I think I’ll look better and feel better if I’m at a slightly higher weight. Plus, my periods are really irregular and while I think this is just how I am, I want to rule out low weight as a cause. (Sorry if that’s TMI!)
• Work-out in a healthy way. Yes, yes, I know this is burning calories and all that. But that’s OK. Let’s face it - most of us work-out to burn calories, not just to get “stronger” or “healthier“. Honestly, I think that’s fine, as long as we’re not undermining ourselves by restricting or hiding it. I want to work-out in a controlled, open, and honest way. None of the disordered, random work-outs because I’m feeling “fat” or like I ate too much.
• Stop worrying so much about others. Ok, so maybe that sounds wrong or selfish. However, I spend way too much of my time fretting over the safety and well-being of other people, as silly as that sounds. Mostly, though, other people’s lives are out of my control and they’re going to do what they’re going to do. Of course, I can and will help in whatever way possible, but just plain worrying isn’t going to accomplish anything. I’m most guilty of this with my sister. Now that she’s across the country, I can’t control what happens to her. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care and that doesn’t mean I don’t love her. People need their space and when they do need help I need to actually have the energy to provide that.
• Breath!! I’m guilty of rushing around, not thinking, not paying attention to the little things because I’m so worried about what’s next. Cliché, maybe. It’s true, I end up making mistakes or being embarrassed or panicking because I “don’t have enough time”. Well, I want to relax now. I don’t want to become lazy or lackadaisical, I just need to stop every so often and breath.

Wow! That was a lot. If you read it thank you!!! I’ve been trying this list out the past week and a half and I think I’m doing pretty well. I’ve actually gained a pound since last week and it’s the first time that I’ve voluntarily gained weight, so I think that’s good! Do you guys have anything to add?


I still want to show you a couple food pictures!

 Dan posted this Chickpea Bake recipe a little bit ago and I tried it out:

Topped with blueberries and honey. Son't you love that ramiken?

I made a few subs/additions to suit my tastes and it was delicious!

Breakfast a few days ago was another 2 Minute Microwave Crisp this time with banana and blueberry. 


Topped with Greek yogurt (on sale at Target, woo-hoo!) and cinnamon.



Also I was quite proud of this little lunch arrangement:



One slice of toast was topped with hummus/sour cream mix, cucumbers, radishes, salt, and pepper. The other was Nutella, raspberries, and TJ's Coffee, Cocoa, Sugar Grind (LOVE, btw!). All surrounding cantaloupe!

Yes! I think it’s blogger approved picture! Lol

Thanks you guys for all the comments and support. Love ya!
<3

Work, Coffee, and Scones

I don't want to become one of those people who just does WIAW (although there's nothing wrong with that!), but it certainly feels that all my posts have been food-centric lately. Hey its not my fault I've been having some good eats!

But I do need to vent about something for a sec. So hold the fun for a minute while I complain about my job (well, one of my jobs). I work as a receptionist at a gym and, honestly, it is a pretty easy job. I basically just have to check people in and clean. But...my boss is not so nice. I won't go into too much detail, but it's been really difficult lately. I feel like he's looking for an excuse to fire me, although we're so short-staffed that I think I'll be safe for now. In addition, I always end up looking stupid in front of him or making some some sort of silly mistake. I guess he just makes me nervous and I know I'm a smart girl, but it really makes me doubt my ability to function in the "real world" and it definitely doesn't help my self-confidence. How on earth am I supposed to hold down a "real" job if I can't even do this one? I really don't know what to do.

Moving on...

Aside from the whole work thing, I've been having a very nice summer so far. Basically just relaxing, reading, skating, baking, but it's nice to not have to worry about school for a while! The weather has been great and I'm really hoping I can go to the zoo or something fun and outdoorsy soon.

Enough rambling let's get to foood!!

http://www.peasandcrayons.com/

This won't be a complete WIAW because I didn't really photograph every meal.

I had an amazing breakfast though:



Overnight oats made with coffee yogurt, leftover cold coffee, and a splash of milk, topped with a sprinkling of cocoa powder. SO good!

  See that cookbook? My mom bought it on clearance at Borders (so sad they're closing!) and it has some great sounding stuff in it. Hardly "healthy", but who cares, right? The pictures are really good too.

We made the Carrot Coconut Scones:

Trying to get fancy with the photography - um no lol.

They turned out huge and delicious, but they don't have a very pronounce carrot flavor. I really liked the texture and the coconut. We ate them with some peach sauce as part of lunch!

Dinner was stuffed eggplant:



I LOVE cilantro - I eat it like lettuce sometimes!

I always feel slightly guilty posting pictures of meat on here because I know a lot of bloggers are vegetarians. But it is what I eat and I try not to make it too "graphic" anyway.

Of course all this was supplemented by many other edibles including cucumbers, hummus, and frozen bananas smeared with pb (amazing!).

Hope you all had a good Wednesday! Muah!
<3

Today!

Well it’s my first day of summer vacation! Yay!!! I’m def. ready for a break. But my day was still realllly busy!!
Here’s how it went down:
5:45 - wake up, get dressed, help my mom get some last minute stuff together so we can take our baked goods to the competition that my rink is hosting (hospitality for the volunteers). Grab a half a banana that’s in the fridge.

My kitchen looks like a bakery!

6:45 - drop of the food and steal a piece of an apricot bar (shh). Ask if there is anything I need to help with.

7:00 - Spend 15 minutes running around handing out walkie-talkies. Then get told I can go home…fine by me - it’s CRAZY at the rink!
7:15 - Eat some cantaloupe and drink COFFEE!! Help my mom clean up around the kitchen and prepare for the next batch of stuff she needs to make.
7:45 - Hope on the computer for bit
8:00 - Work out time!
9:00 - Decide that my room is way to messy and that I really need to put my clothes away…
9:15 - Start sorting my clothes and attempting to reorganize my closet
9:18 - Get annoyed that I can only access half of my closet because my bed blocks one of the doors.
9:20 - Decide that I need to somehow rearrange my bed and desk.
9:25 - Spend half an hour piling junk into the middle of my floor in an attempt to make room for complete reorganization of my room
9:45 - Mission rearrange furniture begins!
10:15 - recruit mom to help move bed, continue to create a huge mess that somehow will make my room clean
10:50 - mom leaves to deliver baked goods, I am trapped in the chaos
11:00 - Decide that I am STARVING!! Well, obvs. Because of my rather poor excuse for a breakfast (which was not ED fueled, btw, more on that later)

Pb, banana, honey, cinnamon on a tortilla - why haven't I done this sooner?!

12:00 - get back to it until around.
1:00 - start one of many loads of laundry
3:00 - Finally have a clean room. Yay!

4:00 - clean up the kitchen
4:30 - dad gets home early and we start dinner (my mom and I anyway, my dad can’t cook at all!)
5:00 - eat dinner

Ok, I’ll end there because that was ridiculously long and probably annoying. Lol
So, as you probably could tell, I didn’t have a very good breakfast. This is extremely unusual for me. Partly, I was too busy before we left the house this morning and partly I just wasn’t hungry. And I also wanted to prove to myself that just because a meal was different didn’t mean that I would suddenly turn into a restricting or binging machine. In other words, I wanted to demolish a trigger. And, actually, I think it worked pretty well - I didn’t die, although I could feel the effects by lunchtime and was able to eat enough to fuel my appetite. I made up for it by having a good lunch and dinner and, of course, dessert.



I don't drink, but just a dash of chocolate liquor on Slow-Churned Coffee ice cream, mmm.

 Tomorrow I have a long day of work and volunteering, but I’m looking forward to it!
I hope you all have a great weekend!
<3

Hi everyone!
Tomorrow I have two finals, so naturally I’m going to use my time to do a WIAW and random post. ;) I’ve tried to comment on your blogs, but I think I might have missed a few posts. So sorry!! L
Things have actually been a lot better this week. My sister left last week and at first I had a great deal of anxiety because obviously I didn’t know what/when/if she ate. But, I’m getting over it now and I think its good for me to be “on my own” and be able to just worry about myself. I’ve been exercising more, but I’ve also been fueling myself more and I’m determined to get stronger both physically and mentally.
So now on to What I Ate!

This was amazing:

2 Minute Microwave Peach Raspberry Crisp
I got the basic recipe here, but we had some raspberries that need to be eaten and I used cashew butter instead of p-b. Oh my, I’m already coming up with new variations that I want to try!

Lunch was a cheese sandwich with mustard, mayo, and zucchini pickles. Plus grapes!

Taco night:

Left over roast with all the fixings. This was def. a protein meal! Which is good because I've been trying to increase my protein intake. Gotta have muscles!

And of course dessert (I count that as a meal;)

Peanut butter bread with raspberry sauce. My mom made it for a function, but we couldn’t resist trying a little. Yum!
Hope you guys had a great Wednesday!
<3